I'm obviously on a roll.

1. Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks.The other half with a drinking problem.
   
2. I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune, now I turn it like I’m cracking a safe.
   
3. I need to practise social distancing with the fridge.
   
4. I still haven’t decided where to go in the morning – the living room or the bedroom.
   
5. Every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they still fit. Pyjamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.
   
6. I don’t think anyone expected when we changed the clocks, we’d go from Standard Time to Twilight Zone.
   
7. This morning, I saw my neighbour talking to her cat again.It was obvious she thought her cat understood her.   When I got back in the house, I told my dog and we both laughed.
   
8. My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee, it cleans the toilet.
   
9. I’m so excited when it’s time to take out the rubbish.   What should I wear?
   
10. Better 6 feet apart than 6 feet under…
    

Keep Your Distance, Keep Healthy and  Keep Safe.

Enjoy! Laugh more!

•  2019: Stay away from negative people. 2020: Stay away from positive people. 
  
• The world has turned upside down . Old folks are sneaking out of the house, and their kids are yelling at them to stay indoors! 
• You think it’s bad now? In 20 years our country will be run by people home-schooled by day-drinkers… 
  
• This virus has done what no woman had been able to do …cancelled all sports, shut down all bars, and kept men at home!!! 
  
• Do not call the police on suspicious people in your neighbourhood! They are your neighbours without makeup and hair extensions! 
  
• Day 7 at home and the dog is looking at me like, “See? This is why I chew the furniture!” 
  
• Does anyone know if we can take showers yet or should we just keep washing our hands??? 
• I never thought the comment “I wouldn’t touch him/her with a 6 foot pole” would become a national policy, but here we are! 
• Me: Alexa what’s the weather this weekend? Alexa: It doesn’t matter – you’re not going anywhere. 
  
• I swear my fridge just said “what the hell do you want now?” 
• When this is over …what meeting do I attend first…Weight Watchers or AA? 
  
• Quarantine has turned us into dogs. We roam the house all day looking for food. We are told “no” if we get too close to strangers. And we get really excited about car rides.
  

NOW..........go wash your hands!

Alan writes: "each answer has at least two 'A's separated by a letter - as in my name Alan."

1. The name of which Italian entertainment venue translates into English as "the staircase"?
   
2. Located on the West coast of S.America and stretching for over 600 miles, what is the driest place on earth?
   
3. Which well known and often used mystical word is said to come from the Aramaic phrase "I create as I speak"?
   
4. On June 8th 1982, Which British ship was damaged beyond repair by Argentinian aircraft at Bluff Cove in the Falklands War?
   
5. Which word is derived from the Sanskrit for "great" or "high king"?
   
6. Which US President was born on Hawaii?
   
7. Tenzin Gyatso is the 14th and current holder of which religious title?
   
8. Which modern word is derived from the Persian for a group of merchants or pilgrims travelling together?
   
9. Which popular snack/appetiser takes its name from the local word for "lids"?
   
10. According to legend, which amphibian is able to withstand any heat and put out fires?
    

Causey Arch and the Tanfield Railway
Starting at the Causey Arch Picnic Area, this delightful walk follows the line of the Tanfield Railway, along the picturesque valley of the Causey Burn, before crossing the oldest surviving railway bridge in the world along the course of an old waggonway which was used to transport coal to the river.
The Railway was opened in 1725, and is now the oldest operating railway in the world.  It was constructed to take coal from the pits around Stanley and Marley Hill to the River Tyne.  Originally, waggons, or more correctly, chaldrons, filled with coal, were hauled along a wooden track by horses before being replaced by metal rails and static winding engines in the early 1830s, and by locomotives in 1881.  (A chaldron was an English measure of dry volume, mostly used for coal; the word itself is an obsolete spelling of cauldron.)  Most of the line was closed in 1970 but it is now run by a group of steam enthusiasts.
Causey Arch is the oldest surviving single arch railway bridge in the world and spans the gorge of Causey Burn.  Constructed in 1725-6 to provide a link between collieries at Tanfield and the main waggonway to the River Tyne.  The original design of a wooden track was crude, but nevertheless, effective.
It was commissioned by a powerful group of local coal owners known as the “Grand Allies.”  The Arch was designed by Ralph Wood, a local Stonemason, has a span of 100 feet and stands 80 feet above the valley floor.  Tradition has it that Wood was very apprehensive about an earlier timber bridge which had collapsed!!  Fearing that a similar fate awaited the stone structure, he leapt to his death from the top of the Arch.
On the western side there was a Toll House, where lines to other pits branched off, the remains of which are still in evidence.
There is ample parking at the Causey Arch Picnic Area; or arrival by public transport can be achieved via Stanley.  Great care is required at all times:  the train tracks are to be crossed three times; there are tree roots, steep sections and tall steps to be negotiated, but on a lovely sunny day, it is a magical walk – walking back in time itself.
Enjoy

We're off to the theatre on Friday night - well to a Zoom theatrical event hosted by The Pantaloons.
It'll be a novel experience!


Their blurb:
"How can one interactive online show with just four actors possibly contain so much action and adventure? Elementary, my dear! The critically-acclaimed Pantaloons Theatre Company put dynamic detective duo Holmes and Watson through their paces as they tackle their most fiendish case yet in this delightfully inventive and hilarious show for all ages. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it!
This new adaptation of Sherlock Holmes is an interactive theatrical production designed specially for Zoom, using elements of theatre and film, both high tech and homespun!
The audience are invited to participate at key moments and are a vital part of this live experience".

P.S. I assume tickets will still be available from here.

She says "My sentiments exactly - without the cabbages".

This set of questions relate to adverts which have appeared on our screens in times gone by. We?ve all seen them, but how many can you remember? 
1. Which ad featured Buzby, a feathered friend?
2. Who said, rather hopefully, "we're getting there"?
3. What was the first TV advert advertising?
4. Which ad, featuring cigarettes, said they were " cool as a mountain stream"?
5. What items of confectionery, now called "Starburst", were "made to make your mouth water"?
6. "Every little helps" according to this shopping chain
7. This product makes "budgies bounce with health"
8. Tony says these are "Grrreat!"
9. Leonard Rossiter appeared in a series of adverts alongside Joan Collins. What product were they advertising?
10. Which ad promoted a product "full of Eastern promise"?
11. This ad featured an enquiry for a book entitled "Fly Fishing" by J R Hartley. What was it actually advertising?
12. The ad showed robots laughing at humans who "peeled them with their metal knives". The product was?
13. "Mr Shifter, do you know the piano's on my foot?" "You hum it, son, and I'll play it." These are lines from which advert, featuring our national beverage
14. According to the adverts, this product is "the real thing"
15. Rowan Atkinson played an inept secret agent in this series of ads but, what was he advertising?
16. Who played Beattie, the proud Jewish grandmother, whose grandson gained an 'ology in this commercial?
17. Harry Enfield said: "This bloke's a nutter". What was he advertising?
18. Which company was telling everyone to 'put a tiger in your tank' back in the 60s?
19. Businessman Victor Kyam 'liked this product so much' he 'bought the company'. What was the product?
20. This is 'probably the best lager in the world'.  

Unscramble the first four words in each set of scrambles. Then use the circled letters to unscramble the final word. Some of the words may unscramble into more than one word, but only one word is related to the puzzle.