From Sharon - Uxbridge dictionary entries

Extracts from Uxbridge (with thanks to “I’m Sorry I Haven’t A Clue.”) *
Far from making sense of the English language, most dictionaries fragrantly misregard basic English constriction – words simply don’t mean what they sound. 

• Amstrad: amateur violinist.
  
• Barbecue: a long wait for a haircut.
• Cardiac: someone who knows a heck of a lot about cardigans.
• Catastrophe: feline punctuation.
• Decrease: do the ironing.
• Dentist: someone who repairs car bodywork.
• Enamour: what you use to bang nails in.
• Enquire: a group of singing chickens from the East End.
• Extractor fan: former lover of agricultural equipment.
• Flabbergasted: appalled at your weight gain.
• Flagrant: a tramp with a whip.
• Genteel: chivalrous fish.
• Gooseberry: a big duck’s hat.
• Honolulu: to give an MBE to a Scottish singer.
• Hypotenuse: the lavatory is engaged.
• Icon: optical illusion.
• Inviolate: dressed in purple.
• Jocular: Scots vampire.
• Knapsack: A sleeping bag.
• Kneepads: Scottish turnip commercials.
• Laburnum: A French barbecue.
• Lamentable: (Yorkshire) The Sunday roast is ready.
• Lavish: A bit like a toilet.
• Lovelorn: to be very very fond of grass.
• Malady: a bit like a duck.
• Measles: what artists use for self-portraits.
• Navigate: scandal concerning road diggers.
• Notable: you’ll have to have your dinner on the floor.
• Oboe: American tramp.
• Otter: nice weather in Yorkshire.
• Painful: complete with windows.
• Pastiche: what Sean Connery eats in Cornwall.
• Philharmonic: feed our Queen.
• Reincarnation: born again as a tin of condensed milk.
• Resource: get some more ketchup.
• Rind: What Prince Charles buys in a pub.
• Sandy: that’s convenient.
• Scar tissue: a problem attaching a DVD machine to the television.
• Scurrilous: a mouse with no legs.
• Semolina: a system of signalling with puddings.
• Stockade: fizzy Oxo.
• Subdued: a less than cool person.
• Tentacles: eyewear for campers.
• Terminology: the study of fur in Yorkshire.
• Typhoon: tea that gives you wind.
• Vigilant: an insect that stays up all night.
• Violin: nasty pub.
• Warbling: Geordie jewellery.
• Warming: Geordie porcelain.
• Warthogs: Geordie clothing.
• Weeding: Scottish handbell.
• Yodelling: trainee Jedi knight.
  
• Zucchini: animal park enthusiast.

* these are the ones that would get through the censor!

Perhaps you have other definitions to add to this far from comprehensive list?