After every flight, Qantas Airlines pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humour.
Here are some supposedly actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution as recorded by Qantas maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident. (P = The problem logged by the pilot.) (S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.) P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre. P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. P: Something loose in cockpit. S: Something tightened in cockpit. P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on backorder. P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed. P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable level. P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That's what they're there for. P: IFF inoperative. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you're right. P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. P: Aircraft handles funny. S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed. P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. S: Took hammer away from midget.
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A personal experience of a lovely garden. A number of years ago I went to visit friends in North Wales. When I arrived my hosts said we would be visiting a garden the following day – it wasn’t too far.
The day dawned, the sun shone and my friends and I walked across the road, to another house and went round to the back garden. The hosts were taking part in the Open Gardens scheme and opening up their garden, making a charge, and sending the money to charity. There was also tea and cakes on sale. However the garden was magical. It was on the side of a hill, so it was in many layers. Little paths wended their way around flower beds, bushes and vegetable patches (Yes more than one). There were a number of natural springs in the garden, and they had been incorporated into the design. Of course the weather made all the difference, so the afternoon was a lovely experience. Eventually I made my way up to the top layer of the garden, which overlooked the bedroom windows, and what was there? A chicken run, with lots of chickens – actually rescue hens from a Battery Farm. They were not free range, but had lots of space to peck around in, and seemed quite content with their life. It was such a treat. From the Observer - Name the 20 books in the picture. (Answers in the file below).
All UK towns (answers in file below).
Newsletter 4: What a lovely variety of comments, puzzles, just news!
HUSBAND TO WIFE IN QUEUE: "Don't complain, the queue is probably the only bit of structure we will experience for the next few weeks". HUSBAND TO WIFE ON THE TELEPHONE "Stop spreading gossip" Wife - "I'm not gossiping, I am just recycling information." Some of these are quite tricky! (Answers are in the file below).
Just would like to say a big thankyou to you and the choir members who have submitted interesting and entertaining items to the newsletter. I’ve enjoyed doing the quizzes and puzzles and hearing what people are doing to pass the time in lockdown.
I heard a poem last week on the today programme, read by Mishal Husain, on the subject of time and it seemed to me to be appropriate in the challenging and very different times we’re all living in. I wondered if it would be suitable to share with our members in the newsletter. "On Time" by Kahlil Gibran And an Astronomer said, Master what of time? And he answered: You would measure time the measureless and the immeasurable, You would adjust your conduct and even direct the course of your spirit according to hours and seasons. Of time you would make a stream upon whose bank you would sit and watch it flowing Yet the timeless in you is aware of life’s timelessness, And Knows that yesterday is but todays memory and tomorrow is todays dream And that that which sings and contemplates in you is still dwelling within the bounds of that first moment which scattered the stars into space. Who among you does not feel that his power to love is boundless? And yet who does not feel that very love, though boundless, encompassed within the centre of his being, and moving not from love thought to love thought, nor from love deeds to other love deeds? And is not time even as love is, undivided and space less? But if in your thought you must measure time into seasons, let each season encircle all the other seasons And let today embrace the past with remembrance and the future with longing. From The Prophet (Knopf, 1923) Kahlil Gibran 1883-1931 Stay safe and well Best Regards Glynis
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